


Anchor.

by Twinklylights



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Fluff, Ian Gallagher POV, M/M, Mickey Milkovich POV, Post Prison, Reassured ! Mickey, Stream of Consciousness, season 10, thats cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22157293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinklylights/pseuds/Twinklylights
Summary: "Mick you’re like my guardian angel or some shit. My fucking anchor. I just want you to feel the same. I can’t change the past but I’m trying now."In which, Ian works to start putting Mickey first and showing him that he's all in.
Relationships: Gallavich - Relationship, Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 8
Kudos: 115





	Anchor.

**Author's Note:**

> Me being on winter break + an overwhelming amount of love for Mickey Milkovich = This one shot :)

Anchor.

Ian had never been on a boat. The opportunity simply had never presented itself, considering he spent his whole life in the city. He had heard plenty of stories of people on them and had watched the titanic with Fiona and Debbie more times than he could count, but he had never experienced one in real life. Though he had never been on one, he had always found himself fascinated by them. As odd as it sounded, he almost thought of himself and his life as a boat. So many times, had he felt lost at sea. Aimlessly sailing through life with no true destination. Things would be going smoothly for a while and suddenly he would be thrown into a wave. Waves would usually manifest themselves as a few extra days spent in bed locked away from the world or just an all-around sense of sadness that he couldn’t seem to shake. The waves never lasted too long and he was mostly able to manage them and he could tell when things were about to get rocky. Life had afforded him enough waves for him to appreciate coasting every once in a while, just enjoying the view. The days when he would wake up, go to work and come home to a warm bed were simple but in comparison to how rough things had gotten in the past, how unpredictable things could be, they were a dream. When Ian looked back on his life, all the times he had been “at sea” he couldn’t help but notice who had always been there with him, Mickey. In a sense Mickey had always been an anchor for him. Keeping him level and preventing him from drifting too far off the deep end. Most of his memories included Mick, all the way back to the shitty little league team they both played on in third grade. At times he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it, but Mickey was a part of him. A part of him that was never going to go away. No matter how much he tried to fight fate, Mickey was the anchor that kept him grounded.

-

A knocking had woken Ian up. A persistent knocking against the closed bedroom door. The noise startled Ian causing him to jerk awake, ending the pleasant dream he was having. He slowly blinked awake as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight filtering in through the window. Ian and Mickey had both been home and out of prison for almost a year now but waking up to the weight of Mickey laying against his chest and the whistle of his soft snores against Ian’s collar bone were still something he was getting used to. Ian had hoped he could will the sound away, that it was maybe someone knocking on the bathroom door next to their room and not something he would have to handle , but the knocking grew louder and he realized that these were the last few moments of bliss he would have, before having to the face the day. He quietly maneuvered himself out of the bed, hoping to not wake his slumbering partner. The clock by their night table read 8:53am and he realized Mickey had been asleep for almost 12 hours. The night before he had complained of a headache and Ian had noticed his skin being a tad warm to the touch. They’d both ended up heading to bed pretty early, Ian hoping that some sleep would make Mickey feel better and Mickey hoping that the pounding in his head would disappear.

Ian quickly threw on a pair of old sweats and a t-shirt before opening the door. To his surprise it had been Franny knocking. She stood in front of him with a bright smile on her face and an even brighter winter hat on her head.

“Good morning uncle Ian!!! We’re going ice skating today! Mom says you gotta get ready quick or we’ll be late!!” She was practically buzzing with excitement, not knowing that Ian was about to let her down. Ian crouched down to her level, bringing her in for a hug and quick kiss on the forehead before speaking.

“Morning Fran! I’m gonna have to miss ice skating today. Uncle Mick doesn’t feel very good, I gotta stay with him until he feels better. Tell your mom please?”

Her face fell for a second but when she heard his explanation her sadness was quickly replaced with a face of worry for her uncle Mick. They’d only just met a few months ago but she’d instantly been drawn to him, always following him around the house and giggling whenever he used a naughty word that her mom said wasn’t allowed. One night, she’d wandered downstairs around 1 AM after having a nightmare and found him sitting on the couch watching tv. Her presence startled him but he ended up letting her sit with him and watch a cartoon until she fell back asleep. Franny was convinced they’d been best friends ever since.

“Are you gonna give him soup? Mom always gives me soup when I’m sick”

“Yeah Fran I’m gonna give him soup. Now hurry downstairs you don’t wanna be late!” He kissed her forehead one last time and watched her sprint down the stairs. As he re-entered the room, he was met with an all too familiar sight. Mickey was sprawled out across the center of the bed, his arms and legs taking up the majority of the mattress. Ian chuckled to himself, smiling at his boyfriend’s chosen position, before quietly tiptoeing over to his side of the bed. As he got closer, he realized that Mick’s eyes were open and he was actually awake.

“Morning Mick, why’d you move?” He whispered as he gently nudged Mickey towards the left side of the bed. Mickey easily complied with a groan and let Ian lay back down, immediately resting his head against the younger boy’s chest. Ian instinctively wrapped his right arm across Mickey’s shoulder blades in a protective manner, pulling him impossibly closer to the point where his hair was brushing against Ian’s chin.

Ian could remember the first time they laid together like this. It had been the night that Mickey came out. They both were physically exhausted, beaten and bruised but Mickey’s mind wouldn’t turn off. Though, they walked home silently holding hands, Ian could tell Mickey wasn’t feeling entirely at peace with all that had occurred. Something about Mickey was still unsettled. They’d arrived back to the empty house and both headed straight to the bathroom to clean up. Ian made a point to silently help Mickey undress and clean his wounds as best he could, considering the lack of first-aid supplies in the old Milkovich bathroom. Ian stepped into the bedroom first, fully expecting Mickey to soon be occupying the space on his left side, but when Mickey came out of the bathroom he immediately sat on the corner of the bed, facing away from Ian. Ian watched him wordlessly for a moment, not sure what to say that could calm the sense of ambivalence he was likely feeling. As he stared at the older boy’s back, he noticed that his slumped shoulders were shaking. Not violently, but enough that it caught Ian’s eye and made his heart stutter in his chest. Not wanting to bring too much attention to what he already knew was going on, Ian gently tapped his foot to the small of Mickey’s back, drawing him out of his spiral. Mickey took in a shuddering breath before turning around to meet Ian’s worrisome gaze, his own eyes red rimmed. Ian mouthed a gentle “C ’mere” before opening his arms. Soon enough, mickey was laid across Ian’s chest held securely in his arms for the rest of the night.

A poke in the ribs from Mickey is what draws Ian out of his moment of reminiscence. He looks down to see Mickey eyeing him with a look of confusion.

“You ask me a question and then you just ignore me, you good man?”

“Sorry just thinking, but really, why’d you move? I was coming right back it was just Franny at the door.”

“Thought you weren’t coming back. Isn’t family ice skating today? Debbie hasn’t shut up about it since she stole the fucking coupons.” Mickey shifted in Ian’s arms, closing his eyes as if he was ready to fall back asleep.

“Of course, I was coming back. You think I would spend the day busting my ass on some ice knowing you were sick at home?”

“You don’t need to look after me. Just a headache,” Mickey mumbled back.

Ian wasn’t deterred by Mickey’s stubbornness; he’d been dealing with it for as long as he could remember. He moved his hand to rest pressed against the smooth skin of Mickeys back, rubbing gently up and down the older boy’s spine. When Mickey let out a contented sigh, he smiled down at him, pressing a kiss to his forehead and continuing the motion until the both drifted off.

Living back in the Gallagher house after so many years, had been quite an adjustment for Mickey. On one hand he knew it was where he wanted to be, where he belonged, but on the other hand so much had changed since the last time he lived in the house and at times he felt out of place. Debbie had a kid who couldn’t seem to stop following him around the house, Lip’s baby seemed to only cry when he wanted to nap after a long shift at the mall, Tami gave him a dirty look every time he so much as _breathed_ , everything was just different. Ian knew he was still getting acclimated with being back in the house. As much as he knew Mickey was happy to be home and free, he understood the sense of apprehension Mickey felt around his family. They never knew the full story, they never thought to ask. Ian did what he could to get his family to try to be understanding, to not make so many sly comments, to not pass judgment on the person who had stuck by him for so long. It wasn’t always easy but they were making it. Sometimes Ian wished he could banish everyone but him and Mickey from the house for a few days, giving them both space to breathe but that was a lifelong fantasy. A boys only movie night was far more obtainable.

It had taken some convincing and the promise of a free night of babysitting for Ian to talk Debbie _and_ Tami into making themselves and their children scarce for the night and allow the boys to have the living room to themselves, but Ian did it. It was a Friday night that no one had work or basketball practice or any other obligations and they were gonna make the best of it. Ian had left about 20 minutes earlier, picking up pizza for the night , and expected that to be enough time for everyone to decide on a movie or even start one without him .When he entered the Gallagher house all he saw were his brothers and boyfriend staring at a black tv screen. He eyed them all skeptically as he placed the pizza boxes down on the table.

“I told you guys to pick a movie while I was gone, what are you doing?

Mickey’s arms were crossed against his chest as he looked up at his boyfriend, unenthused. Lip sat next to him, sharing the same expression. Carl and Liam were both sat on the floor, already opening up the pizza boxes and taking slices, seemingly unaffected by the lack of entertainment on the screen. Liam was the first to speak up.

“Mickey and Lip kept fighting over what movie to watch, we figured we wait for you to come and decide,” Liam said, already stuffing his face with a slice of pepperoni.

Ian laughed as he looked over at the two.

“Alright, so what are the options?” he asked.

Lip answered quickly.

“Well I wanted to watch Venom, but your boyfriend over here won’t shut up about The Godfather.

Ian laughed, offering Mickey a knowing smile. It had always been one of Mickey’s comfort movies, Ian was hardly surprised that this is what he had picked.

“Well then I guess, we’re watching The God Father then huh?” He moved to push Lip over so he could sit in between him and Mick, already reaching for the remote and ignoring Lips mumbled curses. Lip rolled his eyes but made no further arguments. Ever since Ian and Mickey had been home it was almost as if they lived in their own world. Laughing quietly to themselves at the dinner table, sharing knowing glances throughout the day, there was an all-around sense of _togetherness_ the two of them exuded. At times he felt a bit jealous, knowing him and Tami would never have a connection like theirs but he was happy to see his little brother finally living out his dreams.

Lip lasted an hour into the movie before concluding that if he was going to sleep, he would much rather do it in his bed. He afforded Mickey and Ian parting waves and was careful to not trip over Liam and Carl who had passed out on the floor. As soon as he had gotten off the couch, Ian and Mickey took full advantage of the newfound space. Ian was laid across the couch with Mickey pulled into his chest, a blanket draped over them and their legs intertwined. They laid in silence for a moment, before Mickey carefully shifted to reach the remote while maintaining his balance, he then put the movie on pause. Ian eyed him with a look of confusion, this was Mickey’s favorite part.

“Can’t believe you’re watching this shit with me again, you used to never shut the fuck up about how long it was. You sure you don’t wanna watch something else?” he laughed, thinking back to the first time they had watched the film together.

It had been a hot July afternoon and Mickey had been bored out of his mind. His brothers were gone and Mandy had been with Lip so Mickey had the whole house to himself. He’d sent a text to Ian letting him know his current situation and an invitation to join him in his day of nothingness. Ian had been knocking at his door in no more than 15 minutes. Their day consisted of smoking joints, drinking beer and fooling around. It had been a day well spent. As nighttime began to set in, Ian decided he didn’t really feel like walking home. He’d told Mick that he’d likely be spending the night and would crash on the couch if need be. Micky had no objections, relieved that Ian had asked what he had been hoping for all day.

Finding themselves both bored and sporting a post-coital glow, Mickey had suggested watching a movie. The house was practically overflowing with stollen shit and Mickey figured it was about time somebody used the DVD player he had worked so diligently to obtain. After a debate over which movie to watch, Mickey had convinced Ian to watch The Godfather for the first time, with the promise of a blowjob after. Mickey thoroughly enjoyed the movie, mouthing lines along with Al Pacino, but Ian found himself less enthused. He was preoccupied by the sound of Mickey’s laugh and the twinkle in his eye as he watched the screen. Ian tried his best to keep his face straight ahead but his eyes kept drifting over to the boy beside him. Every time Mickey would laugh his entire face would light up, a glow over him that could rival the sun. Ian was glad that he was so engrossed in the movie and not baring witness to the love-struck look plastered across his face. The look that he would unknowingly be giving Mickey for years and years to come. The look plastered across his face right now.

“You love this movie. I love you. We’re watching this. It’s pretty simple Mick.” Ian answered earnestly. He bought a hand down to ruffle through the thick strands of Mick’s hair, smiling as Mickey leaned into the touch. Mickey raised his eyebrows and his mouth opened momentarily, as if he was about to give a retort but a smile found its way onto his face before he could form a proper sentence. In the grand scheme of things, it was a small gesture but Mickey knew there were plenty of other things Ian could have spent his night doing. Though he didn’t voice it out loud, there was always a part of him that was scared that Ian could one day stop choosing him. Ian could one day wake up and decide this wasn’t for him. He could one day wake up and decide he wanted to be with someone who was making more than minimum wage at a shitty job assigned to them by their parole officer. He could decide he wanted someone who wasn’t struggling with getting readjusted to life outside of prison. Someone who hadn’t been to prison. Ever. There were plenty of guys out there who could give Ian better, who didn’t have so much baggage. Mickey knew Ian had no reservations about seeing other people when they weren’t together. He had no problem with leaving Mickey in the dust. As much as it hurt him, it was something he had become accustomed too over the years. He knew their relationship was stronger than ever, they both were happier than they’d ever been together but there was always a part of him that feared Ian would change his mind. So what if he kissed Ian a little longer in the mornings or held him a littler closer as they slept? He was going to enjoy it while it lasted because he never knew when it could end.

As much as they tried to avoid them, Ian and Mickey still found themselves having disagreements. No argument lasted more than a few minutes and no one ever went to bed angry but they still had their moments. One of their smaller disputes had been over dinner. Where Mickey enjoyed eating away from the family alone with Ian in their shared bedroom, Ian enjoyed engaging with everyone around the dining table, something he had missed in prison. They both refused to ever eat separately so it usually ended with one of them bending and eating their meal with a scowl on their face. Though the argument was insignificant in the long run, Ian had grown tired of the back and forth. He had one night suggested maybe they should start going out to dinner more. They’d both been working and saving so the finances wouldn’t be an issue. It would let them both eat something a little more edible than canned ravioli and it would solve their dining location dilemma. Mickey was all for the change and had been immediately googling places that had opened around the city while he was away.

It was a Saturday night, exactly 7:45 PM and Ian was late. Mickey had been waiting in the booth of the restaurant for about 45 minutes. There had been much debate over Korean barbeque or Italian for the night but they’d both finally decided and had made a reservation for 7:00. Mickey knew Ian had been babysitting Freddie for the night, something about owing Tami a favor.. As Mickey waited, he sent a few texts to Ian but received no response. He tried his best to dissolve the overall sense of _dread_ he was feeling with more breadsticks but there was a part of him that was afraid of what this could mean. Was this it? Had Ian finally given up on them? As he sat in the booth, his leg bounced rthymically and his fingers tapped the wood of the table. Waiting. Hoping. Just as he was about to get up and head for the bathroom, he was met with a disheveled ginger almost bumping into him.

“Mick! I’m sorry I’m late! Tami came back way later than she said she would. As grown as Liam thinks he is, I just couldn’t leave Freddy with him. I’m sorry!”, He spoke in a frantic tone and Mickey had to grab his hands to usher him to sit and remember to breathe.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming. Its fine. Look at your menu, the waitress has been over here almost 5 times now.” He handed a menu to Ian and smiled as their hands brushed together.

Mickey’s word’s echoed in Ian’s head for the remainder of the dinner. As much as they laughed together and discussed their crazy stories over the week Ian’s mind couldn’t seem to move on. _He thought I wasn’t coming._ Mickey had said it so casually, almost as if he had expected it and it had Ian’s mind spinning. His heart aching. As they walked home silently, Mickey picked up on the shift in Ian’s demeanor. When he couldn’t take the silence anymore, he nudged Ian’s shoulder, just as they entered the Gallagher home.

“Hey man, you’re a little quiet tonight? You alright?”

“Just thinking.” Ian gave a small smile to Mickey as he took the stairs and made way to their bedroom. Mickey wasn’t buying the short answer and quickly followed up.

“Thinking about….?” He moved to sit at the foot of the bed, kicking off his shoes. Ian immediately sat next to him, taking his hand.

“Us. You. I… um… Did you really think I wasn’t coming tonight?” He kept his eyes glued to the hand in his, not ready for whatever answer Mickey was going to give. Ever since Mickey showed up in his prison cell that fateful day, he had done a lot of thinking about the sacrifices Mickey had made for him over the years and it had dawned on him that he really wasn’t pulling his weight. He had left as soon things got rocky with Svetlana, a time that Mickey needed him most. He had left Mickey at the border, soon to be in a foreign country _alone_. Though at the time, both decisions had felt right, felt like what he needed to do for himself, looking back he couldn’t help but realize how much they had hurt Mickey. Mickey had come back into his life, not once demanding an apology, never acknowledging the hurt Ian had caused him but holding it inside. Had Ian left him so many times that he had come to expect it?

“Well I just thought something might have come up with your family or you know ….”

“Or what?” Ian still couldn’t look at him.

“I don’t know man, thought maybe you finally got tired of me.” He laughed as he spoke. As if it wasn’t a big deal. “What about it? Didn’t we just have a nice night?”

At that, Ian finally looked up at him. His eyes were already tearing up as he struggled to keep his emotions at bay.

“Have I hurt you that much? You think I’m going to leave? Mick, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked by the end of his sentence and he immediately looked back down at their intertwined hands, unable to look Mickey in the eye. Mickey felt the weight of the question and couldn’t find the proper words to answer. He sat for a moment before quietly answering.

“Yeah…but it’s okay, I know you’ve never meant it.” He was so quiet as he spoke and Ian’s heart broke.

“It’s not okay! I love you and there’s never a time that I don’t know you’re going to be there for me. I just want you to feel the same.” He was full on crying now and Mickey felt helpless. He pulled Ian into him, allowing him to rest his head against his shoulder but only for a brief moment because Ian immediately stood back up. He began silently pacing around the room as Mickey looked on in shock. When Ian’s constant back and forth started making him dizzy he flagged him down, motioning him back to sit on the bed. Ian sat down, taking a breath before speaking.

“Do you remember my first day in prison? That was the happiest day of my life. Seeing you there felt like all my prayers had been answered. Did you know I didn’t seen Fiona that day? She was going to ride up with all of us but she never showed. My own sister. She basically raised me my whole fucking life but she wasn’t there. You were. I still don’t even know how you did it, Mick. Mick you’re like my guardian angel or some shit. My fucking anchor. I just want you to feel the same. I can’t change the past but I’m trying now, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not letting you go.”

As Ian spoke, Mickey felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. In all the talks they had while in the cell, it never came up that Fiona wasn’t there that fateful day. He turned his head slightly so he was looking directly in Ian’s eyes. The eyes he had been looking into for years. He thumbed away a few of the stray tears running down Ian’s cheeks before leaning in to press their lips together. The kiss didn’t last long because soon enough he was pulling away. He smiled at the boy in front of him, the boy he had loved since the beginning.

“I love you. _Always_. I’m going to be here with you forever, through whatever. Doesn’t matter, what happens. You think anyone else would put up with my ass?” Mickey laughed as he spoke but the honesty behind the question didn’t get past Ian.

“I’m hardly putting up with anything. I really don’t even deser-” Mickey cut him off, bringing his finger up to press gently against the redhead’s lips.

“None of that shit, we both deserve this. Been through enough together don’t you think?” There were memories shared between them that no one else could ever understand. No one else could know what it took for them to both be sitting here together, happy, more in love than ever. Sure, they would face obstacles, no one could ever predict what life would throw their way but they knew that they’d both never face any challenges alone.

Ian couldn’t resist pulling Mickey into another kiss. He hoped that his lips were conveying the words on loop in his head. _I love you. I’m Never leaving._

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos , comments, questions ,concerns and roast are allllllll welcomed :)))
> 
> [Send prompts/request!!!](https://curiouscat.qa/twinklylightss)
> 
> [Follow me on twitter for tweets about Mick!!!](https://twitter.com/passionatemick)


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